Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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