I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
