what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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