btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
