Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
