I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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