"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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