so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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