ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
