i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.