Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.

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  (646): If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over. http://tfl.nu/pts9
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.

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  (440): My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol. http://tfl.nu/vdrg
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4677) Bad night (520)
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  (925): View more from California

  I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..

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  (925): I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand.. http://tfl.nu/3ekb
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.

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  (901): great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts. http://tfl.nu/3wub
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

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  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

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  (949): Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick" http://tfl.nu/m9ln
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  (347): View more from New York

  He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

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  (347): He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for. http://tfl.nu/v3jd
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?

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  (512): Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know? http://tfl.nu/zvg4
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming

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  (425): Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming http://tfl.nu/1h5t
  Replies (4) Good night (2940) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

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  (484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.

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  (703): There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse. http://tfl.nu/1du4
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

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  (609): I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception. http://tfl.nu/z6mj
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  (631): View more from New York

  I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?

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  (631): I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/hi71
  Replies (3) Good night (1090) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.

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  (219): Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though. http://tfl.nu/18ka
  Replies (2) Good night (897) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt

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