I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.