He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.