i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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