In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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