how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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