I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
