You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
