I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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