Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
