Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
