If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dicks are not precious.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
