Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
