Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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