I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
