anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
