But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
