So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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