I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
