turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
