Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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