I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
