I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
