she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
