My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
