It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
