you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A+ Viking dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
