My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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