just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
