You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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