So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
