I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This toilet bowl is my home.
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