I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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