what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
