I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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