then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
