Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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