Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
