Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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