I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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