i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
