He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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