Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
