Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
