that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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