Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
