dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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