So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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