Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
