Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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