you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
