Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
