Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
