I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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