sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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