im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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