also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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