dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
