No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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