that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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