So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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