so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
